Sunday, July 3, 2011

It's never JUST a little fat!

Having extra weight on is so much MORE than just a little fat. It's not ever Really feeling attractive and feeling like no one else will think you are either. It causes a lot of extra toll on your body. But most of all I think it's an overwhelming feeling of failure.

It really sucks to feel like you've just completely failed at life. One of the basic human functions is to take care of yourself, right? It's extremely humbling to reslize I can't even do that right.

I'm not morbidly obese, or even extremely unhealthy. But there are many areas where I can tell the weight has worn on me. For one, I have stretch marks that are there just from gaining weight. I can't stand for extremely long times cause my feet hurt. Last summer I worked weighting tables. I was definitely way more sore At the end of a shift than I was when I was young. On nights my hubby and I go dancing, I feel I can barely make it through a few songs. I'd love to be able to dance the entire night!

Perhaps the most telling way is in not being able to play with L the way I want to. I can't go chase her through the yard without getting too winded. I can't do the cartwheels with her or even sit in the floor beside the bath for very long. I really hate not being the fun-loving mom I always thought I would be.

I really hate not feeling like I'm good enough fro my husband. I know he's not really attracted to someone who is obese. I don't like feeling like I need to constantly be pulling my shirt down in the bedroom, or having to make sure there's not even a glimmer of light. I would LOVE to be able to go completely naked and feel good about myself.

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